Top 20 Firefly and Serenity quotes

Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive." (as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'." (as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!" (Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" (T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"

Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants."

Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."

Saffron: He's my husband. Mal: Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?!

Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em. " Zoe: "Shoot 'em?" Mal: "Politely."

Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?" Mal: "I'm standing right here." Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud." Mal: " 'Cause I'm standing right here."

Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?" Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?" Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) "Closing in." Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast." Wash: "That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all." Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know."

Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes us?" Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir." Mal: "Ain't we just!"

Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you."

Mal: "Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots." (to Kaylee and River) "Shut up!"

Zoe: Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'? Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Mal: Haven't you killed me enough for one day?

Jayne: Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted. River: [grinning] "Jayne" is a girl's name. Jayne: Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing, [reaches into his pants] I'll show her good 'n' all, I got man parts! Simon: I'm... trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... it's not coming.

River: Also... I can kill you with my brain.

Wash: Woo! This kind of flying really wakes up a guy! Mal: Awake helps.

Tracey: When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that... Zoe: ...you find someone to carry you.

Mal: If I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor. Simon: You are talking to a doctor.

Wash: Little River gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do next? Zoe: Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up. Wash: I hope she does the soup thing, it's always a hoot and we don't all die from it.

Mal: Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't. Jayne: What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch? Wash: [sarcastically] Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the beast. Jayne: She's in Congress? Wash: How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious. . . . Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction. Zoe: We live in a spaceship, dear. Wash: So?