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Top Family Guy Quotes

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The Best Quotes from Family Guy

Rated 0 points - posted 11 years ago by kris in category Television.
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1.

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"Gigidy" Glenn Quagmire Report Abuse
63 points - added 9 years ago by redbarron80 -

2.

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Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert." Report Abuse
Pure Peter logic here, you can’t help but laugh at it.
36 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

3.

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Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight. Report Abuse
Stewie being his usual pleasant self and ending with a random death threat.
33 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

4.

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Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once. Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing? Peter: Oh yeah. Report Abuse
Two points, one for the idea of Peter reading, and of course for the joke itself
30 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

5.

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Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. (Lois and Peter stare in silence) Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts. (Peter and Lois keep staring) Meg: You don’t know anything about me. (runs upstairs) Peter: Who was that guy? Report Abuse
24 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

6.

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Peter: I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about. Report Abuse
23 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

7.

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Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. Report Abuse
1.I’m surprised Peter even knew how Oooo was spelled.
21 points - added 11 years ago by kris - 1 comment
Comments:
What episode?
Added 7 years ago by guest, 2 points Vote + to improve this comment's ranking Vote - to decrease this comment's ranking

8.

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Lois: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite. Stewie: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you! Report Abuse
18 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

9.

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Black Knight: You see kids, your father is nothing but a fizzle! (Peter reappears in armour and on a horse.) Peter: Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except for that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran away, he got away with it. But most of the people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it! Actually he was the only guy to ever call me a fizzle, but after today only half the people who have ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it! Report Abuse
17 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

10.

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We'll have a happy new life with equal rights for all... Except blacks, asians, hispanics, jews, gays, women, muslims... Everyone who's not a white man. And I mean white-white, so no italians, no polish... Just people from Ireland, England and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland... Just full-blooded whites... No, you know what? Nobody gets any rights! Ah, America! Report Abuse
15 points - added 10 years ago by guest -

11.

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Oh, Lois, you are so full of *beep*! WHAT? Now I can't say *beep* in my own *beep*ing house? Just *beep*ing great. You know, you're lucky you're good at *beep* my *beep* or I'd never put up with ya. Ya know what I'm talking about, when you *beep* lubed-up *beep* toothpaste in my *beep* while you *beep* on a cherry *beep* Episcopalian *beep* extension cord *beep* wetness *beep* with a parking ticket. That is so great! Report Abuse
Someone tells me why this is not funny, and I'll explain it to that stupid a**hole
13 points - added 11 years ago by guest -

12.

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Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for? Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World. Report Abuse
9 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

13.

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Peter: Y'know I feel kinda bad you guys, I promised my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Quagmire: Aw, Don't feel bad, Peter. Peter: Huh. Gee, I never thought of it like that. Report Abuse
5 points - added 9 years ago by guest -

14.

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Mafia guy: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you, why should I kill this "Count Chocula"? Captain Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies! My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth! With all respect Report Abuse
4 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

15.

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Stewie: I want pancakes!! You people understand every language except English! Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez-moi pancakes! Click-click-bloody-click pancakes!!! Report Abuse
4 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

16.

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Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ... Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian. Brian: Oh, oh you speak English! Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it. Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right? Bellboy (Spanish): Que? Report Abuse
3 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

17.

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Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle. Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team! Brian: What the hell are you talking about? Report Abuse
3 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

18.

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Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard. Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Peter: I drift in and out. Report Abuse
2 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

19.

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Peter: "Shut up! You don't know nothing.....about anything" Report Abuse
1 point - added 6 years ago by guest -

20.

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Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim! Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick. Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic! Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick! Report Abuse
0 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

21.

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Lois: Quickly peter we got to get him to the hospital Peter: ok quickly to the Peter-Rang ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Peter: just to let you know i was at the hospital for a while Report Abuse
Classis Peter Vehciles
-3 points - added 9 years ago by guest -

22.

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Peter: Lois, um, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung." Lois: Why? Peter: Time is a factor, Lois. Report Abuse
-3 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

23.

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1.This quote is funny because well it’s true. They’ve never successfully explained anything to Peter. Report Abuse
1.Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night. Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family. Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"? Brian: They had a meeting about it last night. Peter: Why wasn't I told? Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.
-4 points - added 11 years ago by kris -

24.

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Lois: What kind of egotistical, selfish, moronic and idiotic person would get liposuction... Who? WHO? (Peter walks in at half of his weight) Stewie: Oh my God... It has finally happened, he has become so massive that he collapsed into himself like a neutron star. Report Abuse
-8 points - added 11 years ago by kris -
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