1.
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that"
This makes you laugh just imagining that it could quite possible have some truth to it.
40 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
2.
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on"
Although funny too, this is definitely a truth!
25 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
3.
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
I have seen many a people look like this! Funny quote to say to someone you know when you wanna take a little jab at them.
21 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
4.
"Save gas ... fart in a can."
20 points - added 14 years ago by Terraboo -
5.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
We all believe in this quote until we eventually grow up.
15 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
6.
"I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?"
12 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
7.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Cute one liner that contains some irony.
12 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
8.
A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
10 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
9.
"Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
9 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
10.
"Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?"
4 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
11.
"The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board."
3 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
12.
"The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it"
3 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
13.
"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff"
0 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
14.
"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
-1 point - added 15 years ago by arollison -
15.
"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom."
-1 point - added 15 years ago by arollison -
16.
"If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work"
-1 point - added 15 years ago by arollison -
17.
"Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge."
-2 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
18.
"They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed."
-2 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
19.
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-3 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
20.
"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet."
-3 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
21.
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution."
-5 points - added 15 years ago by arollison -
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