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Ron Swanson Quotes

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Rated 0 points - posted 7 years ago by lteason in category Television.
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1.

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“Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.” Report Abuse
0 points - added 7 years ago by lteason -

2.

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“Friends: one to three is sufficient.” Report Abuse
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3.

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“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.” Report Abuse
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4.

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“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.” Report Abuse
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5.

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“Cultivating a manly musk puts opponent on notice.” Report Abuse
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6.

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“There is only one bad word: taxes.” Report Abuse
This is it. This is exactly it.
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7.

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“Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.” Report Abuse
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8.

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“Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.” Report Abuse
Ah, the wild outdoors.
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9.

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“Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.” Report Abuse
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10.

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“There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.” Report Abuse
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11.

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“It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.” Report Abuse
That is what everyone should be doing. Would it still work out if we did?
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12.

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“Turkey can never beat cow.” Report Abuse
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13.

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“My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.” Report Abuse
A real man, people.
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14.

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“The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.” Report Abuse
Could not have said it better myself.
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15.

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“When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.” Report Abuse
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16.

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“No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans.” Report Abuse
0 points - added 7 years ago by lteason -

17.

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“I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.” Report Abuse
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18.

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“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” Report Abuse
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19.

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“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” Report Abuse
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20.

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“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.” Report Abuse
0 points - added 7 years ago by lteason -
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