Ron Swanson Quotes
20 items ranked
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1.
“Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
2.
“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
3.
“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
4.
“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
5.
“Cultivating a manly musk puts opponent on notice.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
6.
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
This is it. This is exactly it.
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
7.
“Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
8.
“Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
Ah, the wild outdoors.
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
9.
“Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
10.
“There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
11.
“It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.”
That is what everyone should be doing. Would it still work out if we did?
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
12.
“Turkey can never beat cow.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
13.
“My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.”
A real man, people.
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
14.
“The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”
Could not have said it better myself.
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
15.
“When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
16.
“No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here’s April and Andy’s: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
17.
“I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
18.
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
19.
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
20.
“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.”
0 points - added 11 years ago by lteason -
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